Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
