Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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