CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
