____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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