wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
