Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
