I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
