Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
