I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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