If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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