first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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