he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize