I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
