I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
