How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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