There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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