the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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