Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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