He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
