ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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