It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
