I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
