I wish I could punch you in the face.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
