someone get that fucking seahorse.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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