It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
