I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
