Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
