She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize