So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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