Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
