i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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