So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
