Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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