last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
