No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
