At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
