i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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