So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
