How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
