i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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