1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
