Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
