So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
