I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
