i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
