dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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