For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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