I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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