Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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