Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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