I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
