anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
