Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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