New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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