My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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