ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
