it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
