Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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