Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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