You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
