Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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