My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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