All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
