He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
