new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
