she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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