FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
