Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
organizing the empties. That sober.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
