your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
