But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
