onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
