i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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