apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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