If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
