So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
