I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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