Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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